


honey you should know

by flymetomanchester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16458869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flymetomanchester/pseuds/flymetomanchester
Summary: phil is dying. there’s no way to avoid it, other than accept what’s to come.





	honey you should know

Life is a precious gift. Some take it for granted, and when it's too late they suffer a price they can't redeem. It's the epitome of how you should live, and cherish the little things. Some can't though, they rely too much on other things. More so materialistic things that in the end won't mean a thing. You can't take them with you when you go. They stay here and who knows what will happen to them.

Memories won't be taken with you. But they'll remain with the ones you left behind, causing a burden on them. A burden they wish to escape but can't because everywhere they look is a reminder of what they're trying to forget. They'll see the memories in the panes of glass in a dirty window; and it won't matter, because it's a reminder. A reminder of the pain that they can't escape no matter how hard they try.

It'll be as if all the joy that was left is drained and the world mourns with them. It'll mourn the loss of someone spectacular who didn't deserve this pain. He tells himself that no one will cry for him when he goes, though he knows it's a lie. He knows deep inside there will be flowers and tears shed despite his wishes. Knowing someone will cry over his lifeless body hurts. He doesn't want to be remembered this way, in such a way that is draining the life out of him.

Phil stared out the window of the apartment he shared watching the sunset out over the horizon. Scatters of pinks and oranges were painted into the skyline making it a beautiful site to look at. Birds were flying through the sky. Their dark colors contrasting with colors of the sky making them look almost like a painting. People were getting off work soon. You could hear their cars start driving through the city. It was simple things like this that were music to his ears. The music he wouldn't hear one day, that he would miss if he could.

_honey, you should know that i'm in a hurry. i'm sorry but i have to go. it's just temporary._

_you can't come with me with time i'm sorry._

The words on the crumpled paper in his hand played on in his head on repeat. It never left him, reminding him how short days were anymore. He didn't leave to go anywhere. He didn't want to leave, he worried if he did he would lose the extra minute he had.

It was something that he told himself over and over when he felt a underlying guilt. A guilt of leaving Dan alone in the world when he promised he'd protect him.

"Phil?" Dan said gently, walking in the room, trying not to startle him. His heart sank a bit more than it already did when he saw how bad things had gotten. He didn't think that it would get this bad so soon. It was something he couldn't accept no matter how much he knew he needed to.

Phil's entire being looked smaller and much weaker than Dan cared to let on. His wrists were small and delicate, almost as if one wrong move and they would snap so easily in half. It scared Dan down to the core if he was quite honest. Seeing Phil in such a state and knowing he was absolutely helpless crushed him so deeply. Phil's skin looked so worn and

Nothing was improving as it should be. Instead of Phil getting better, he was getting worse. He was becoming more fragile with each passing second. Dan worried day and night that when he woke up Phil would be gone, and he didn't know if he was ready to accept that. It was just something inevitable that Dan was trying to pretend wouldn't happen. It would make the reality of it all so much worse when it actually happened.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Dan asked him.

Shaking his head, Phil looked at him and smiled slightly, "Maybe later." he turned his head and kept watching out the window as the sky changed color and the sun faded beyond the horizon. Phil sighed deeply, staring out, he knew he would miss this. He'd miss the little things that he took for granted in his life. Things that typically people didn't think twice about.

As Dan watched him his mind ran. It ran to the farthest corners that it could and his thoughts couldn't be contained. Most of the times he could keep his mind under control but this was one of the few times that he couldn't in this situation. The first being the time Phil's mum let him in on the fact that Phil was slowly dying.

Dan wishes he hadn't found out sometimes. It seems as if once he found out a couple months back things started declining. Once they had come back from visiting Phil's parents, it seemed as if it was quite obvious now. Phil was slowly becoming more fragile by the minute it seemed, unable to do anything himself.

"I don't know what comes after death, but I'll miss this," Phil said quietly to himself, but loud enough for Dan to hear him. He knew that the topic made Dan uncomfortable. But with the unknown days counting down, he had no choice it seemed but to think of it.

Phil could feel the tension in the air after he said that. It could be cut with the dullest knife and still cause damage.

"Ph - ca -," Dan sighed looking down, tears coming to the front of his eyes. "Please do- don't say that."

"Dan, it's gonna happen sooner or later."

Something boiled inside Dan. Something he couldn't recognize. Maybe it was anger or sadness or just he started grieving early if that was possible. It was as if he was preparing for when Phil would die and it was causing a turmoil inside of him. Nothing settled well with him and he knew it should, but it didn't.

"How can you be so calm?!" Dan snapped suddenly staring at Phil. Tears pooled in his eyes and started to slowly roll down his cheeks. Whatever he was feeling before was being replaced now, replaced by a deep rage. Whatever this rage was it coursed through his veins and spread through him. "You - Phi- god damn it you're _dying_! You - I won't see you anymore! You won't get to do everything we said we'd do! How are you so _fucking calm_?!"

-

Only a few weeks later the inevitable came. It came sooner than expected and it hit Dan hard. He couldn't move half the time. Nothing made sense. His world was in a daze where he had to remind himself constantly to breathe, to remember to feel. Days would go by and eventually, he would break down again. Dan would just lie in bed and sob. He'd sob until the pain was overwhelming and he couldn't anymore. When he did his throat would tighten and he would end up in the bathroom sick.

Dan refused to go in most of the house. He wouldn't step foot in the living room or Phil's room. Both were clear reminders of him and Dan didn't know if he could take that.

Phil knew for a long time that Dan wouldn't go in his room. He knew Dan like the back of his hand. But, Phil knew eventually Dan would go in his room to hopefully feel his presence in some way. It's why Phil hid the letter to Dan in his wardrobe, knowing Dan would look for comfort in Phil's clothes and find it. When he was alive Phil hoped it would bring Dan that final piece of closure one day. From beyond he still hoped for the same while he watched over Dan.

_dan_

_you found this. i don't know how long it's been since i've died. it could be a month or a year even. honey, you should know i didn't mean to leave you alone. but you know, everything got bad, i just had to go._

_the night you asked me how i was so calm about the fact i would die i felt horrible. i couldn't just tell you i accepted it, but i think you knew that already. it's not easy to picture your own death and come to terms with it. i just had to in a sense._

_i just imagined the future really. walking alongside you through thick and thin even if you can't see me. smiling when you accomplish things and live out your greatest dreams. i think that's why i couldn't accept it at first. i wouldn't be there to see you do all these things that you told me about._

_but i will be. in some form. it helped. hopefully, in some way it could help you too._

_try not to think of me in the last few days. i couldn't have been good. think about the times we laughed and smiled. somewhere in my top dresser drawer should be a disk of all the footage i had of us laughing. watch it when you're sad. please._

_i'm sorry i'm not there. i just had to go. remember it's only temporary._

_until we meet again._

_\- xoxo phil_


End file.
